How to Stop Catastrophising!

Connect with your inner resourcefulness

Amanda Maney
8 min readDec 28, 2023
Layers of Love — image by the author

Catastrophising comes from loss of connection

If connection with our inner, most resourceful self is the font of our wellbeing; imagining the loss of that connection invariably freaks us out.

Here’s an extract from recent journaling. Plagued by old grief stories, it took a few teary mornings to uncover the catastrophising…

My Dream Team (inner being, imagined guides, my husband in WiFi and more…) are in bold…

What would you recommend? I’m resisting the sadness. I hate feeling like this. I keep thinking I’ve found my way out and then slipping back in. I guess I’m skipping over the crux of what’s bothering me…

What am I missing?

What’s the worst thing about what you’re feeling, Amanda?

I just feel so… alone.

I’m doing so well most of the time, feeling so good… When I feel bad, it feels REALLY bad and there’s nowhere to take it, but to you.

And not being able to feel my connection with you becomes even more painful.

I so miss Michael in this moment!

But I know better than this.
What’s the matter with me?
Why can’t I relax into making peace with what is?

You know the answer.

You have to drop the storyline.
It’s as simple — and as tricky — as that.

Go to the emotions…

I’ve done that already.

Do it again.

Remember, with the big things in life, there’s a lot of momentum. You can’t expect it all to release in one go.

[Tears…]

It’s ok. It’s ok. Truly. It’s ok.
You’re doing so well Amanda.

I feel grief.
Loss.
Sadness.
Lostness.
Failure.
Jealousy.
Self-pity.
So alone...

Ok, that’s the first layer.
Let’s get underneath that.
What’s your reaction to feeling this way?
What story are you telling yourself about it?

Well. I’m ashamed. I know it’s all nonsense. I should be doing better! I WAS doing better. It’s like being spat out of Heaven. I feel like I’ll never get back there…

I feel impatience,
frustration,
failure,
fear…

I feel lost. That all I’ve been relying on is failing me.
That
you are failing me.

I’m as lost as ever I was.
Only now I’m delusional too.

I feel disappointment with myself and with you.
You’re supposed to be here, helping me.
Where
are you?

I’m abandoned… I’m without people — because they shouldn’t and can’t be my keepers — and I’m without you, because you’re just make-believe.

I am bereft. Blimey. What a drama-queen I am!

Ok. Good.
That’s really goood Amanda.

I’m resisting my resistance. Again. How ridiculous!

I freak out when I feel bad because I’m scared that it means I’ve lost connection with you…

[More tears…]

It’s ok Amanda. It’s ok.

We’ve hit the crux of this contrast.

I’m frightened I’m losing my connection with you.

Time takes me from memories of Michael… he was such a darling route Home. Another Christmas without him brings me fresh grief.

I want to tune into Michael — with me, here, now… And… finding joy is not only about connecting with Michael …

Love is more than Michael.
Much, much more.
All the Love I want is here, enjoying You, deep in the heart of me…

Which is great, as long as I can find You.

What makes you think you can’t find us?
What makes you imagine for one moment that we won’t be here whenever you call?

Because I’m making you up. You’re not ‘real’.

All the more reason to relax and know this can’t be removed from you then!

If this is you, talking to yourself, you will always have this relationship.
It can’t be taken away, can it?
As long as you have capacity for thought and conversation,
you always have the capacity to talk this way to yourself.

Ergo — you can never lose ‘us’.

I guess that’s true. One good thing about having imaginary friends…

Absolutely. Now. You’ve done so well to work out what’s really at the bottom of this creation curve. There is much deliciousness to be received at the top!

You don’t have any work to do to receive that…

Just chill. Be easy about it. Relax.

Everything you’ve called into being, all the contrast clay you’ve scooped out from this dip is being moulded into glorious experience, right now.

You are all you wish to be. Already.

The core of you is co-creating here with us. The essence of you is already playing, feeling the fulness of delight.

Think of the emotions at the core of your desire… What emotions have you created, to expand the truth of who you are?

Not the emotions that come from the ‘missing Michael’, pseudo-storyline. The ones that come from the catastrophising story-about-the-story of losing connection with us…

That’s such an important distinction! The last few days of journaling have been only tackling the pseudo… The expansion created by the catastrophising — that’s way bigger. That’s got different emotions inside it…

Confidence. Ease. Playfulness.
Sure-footedness. Belonging.

I feel secure.
I feel assured of your presence;
I’m trusting my connection to you.

You see how these emotions come from the fear at the crux of the matter — which was a level below the ‘apparent’ problem of missing your soulmate? See how the opposite emotions lift you above the more obvious creative current?

This isn’t about your grief or loss of Michael — it’s about your fear of losing the relationship with us that guides you through those feelings of grief and loss of Michael.

Yes! That’s so helpful. Thank you.

I feel so much clearer. The plaguing is over!

It’s good to remember that I can’t lose this relationship as I’m very overtly creating it!

Glad you like that little gem!

Now, rest.
You’ll feel lasting benefit from this shift in awareness.
For sure.

And I did. That was the end of that little catastrophising chapter! There will be others, most likely, over time, but I know how to free myself from the catastrophising…

Freeing yourself from catastrophising…

It’s god-awful when you‘re in the grip of strong drama. It feels bad and you long to be free of it. Going to the emotions will free you. Stories cannot cling when you know where to go with your feelings.

Make emotions your focus and they will set you free.. Every time.

“…honestly labeling our true feelings have all been shown to bring more balanced perspective, allowing our parasympathetic nervous system to calm us, causing quick drops in the levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
When our brain names our emotional life accurately, it secretes soothing neurotransmitters to calm down our amygdala.”
— Jay Stringer, trauma specialist

But…

If you find the drama returns, over and over, plaguing you over days and weeks and more, there’s likely some catastrophising going on…

Why does the drama plague you so?

When the drama returns repeatedly despite working with your emotions, then it’s not the obvious story that’s sucking the life from you. It’s the story about the story that’s really doing you in.

Making a bad story worse, and making it worse again, by telling a story about how bad that story is…
Imagining the bleakest case scenario and spreading it to wreck every other part of your life…
Taking one story to its extremes; seeing it as the end of your world…
Scolding yourself for the way that you’re reacting… Judging yourself bad for feeling this way…

That’s catastrophising.

This sounds convoluted. It is!

For some people, contrast never gets this complicated.
But for those with multiple traumas in life, there’s often a layer below the apparent ‘problem’.

Catastrophising signposts that layer.

How to stop catastrophising…

A Google search yields advice, mostly along similar lines. Use reasoning to catastrophise less. One prestigious site suggests affirmations and ‘excellent self care’.

That’s all well and good, but it’s hard to take excellent care of yourself if you’re on an express train to Meltdown. Telling that thought train to ‘Stop!’ is as effective as standing in its path with your hands braced for impact.

Suggestions of this ilk add speed to the Meltdown train.

So, how DO we stop catastrophising?

First, spot it.
Notice that no matter how often you acknowledge the emotions, they’re creeping back up on you repeatedly…

Remind yourself that negative emotion signals an inner distortion. The outer story has us imagining ourselves to be vulnerable or angry or sad.

The catastrophising layer takes this sad, bad story into a deeper despair. We start thinking we’ve lost connection with the source of our very joy. Life is a disaster. We will never feel joy again…

Catastrophising signals a strong sense of separation from our core ‘inner being’. It’s an illusion. It feels terrible because it’s NOT true. And our inner being is calling us Home.

Remember: YOU are the source of your joy.
Remind yourself that all you want is to feel good. Now. And that’s always attainable, much sooner than you think. Feeling good comes from relationship.

The only relationship that really matters is the one you have with yourSelf. Why? Because that’s where all your power lies. It’s where all your Love comes from. It’s the source of all your knowing.

When you’re aligned with the unconditional Love at your core, all of life is rejoicing. When you’re out of kilter with the way Love views your current story, the pain delusion kicks in.

Additional catastrophising tells you you’re not just down, you’re doomed!

Get to the next level of awareness.
To get to the emotions that need attention in these cases, we need the next level of awareness.

Start by downloading the story.

Distil it to the emotions.

Then try these kinds of questions to take you to the next level down:
What’s REALLY bothering me about this?
How do I feel about feeling this way?
What’s the worst thing about this storyline?
What do I not dare to admit about this?
What’s frightening me about my reactions?
How am I judging myself or others or life in all of this?
What do I feel ashamed or guilty about here?

Allow the deeper layers of the story to surface.
Distil those layers to their emotions.

Allow yourself to imagine the opposite emotions and better…
They’re the truth of who you are.

Don’t force those emotions. You don’t need to feel them yet. They may be out of reach. Dreaming in their direction is enough.

You have all you ever need to bring yourself Home.
You are the source of your joy.
The truth of who you are is always expanding.

When you’ve been catastrophising, unearthing the causal emotions is enough to break you free.

Naming the opposite emotions sets your destination as the fullest, newly expanded version of yourself.

Acknowledging the true nature of your Loving, joyous being is all you need to get you there.

“Of all the people you will know in a lifetime
you are the only one you will never leave or lose.
To the question of your life,
you are the only answer.
To the problems of your life,
you are the only solution.”— Jo Coudert

If you’re not yet writing to and from yourSelf — your inner being, your Dream Team, your imagined ace advisers — you’re surely missing out!

Try it! It’s a total life-changer…

Acknowledgement: My blogs, my coaching and my life are founded on many wondrous teachings, most particularly those of Abraham-Hicks

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Amanda Maney
Amanda Maney

Written by Amanda Maney

Joy-finder. Enthusiast. Alignment coach - Enneagram author/trainer. www.amandamaney.com

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