I’m sure many of us have diaries and ‘To Do’ lists to plan and track our goal-driven outcomes. But what log do we make of our in-comes?
If you took inventory of your psychological/spiritual daily in-come, how would it look? If you’re like me, a short meditation burst, a little yoga, a few pages from an uplifting read, a podcast perhaps… this would comprise the in-come for the day… not bad, surely?
The rest of the day… well, that’s all outcome-focused action stuff. And if it’s not feeling great… I’ll tend to push on through. …
For me, this week has been a bit of a pause week. I’ve yet to discover the creative gem emerging from it… At the moment, I’m just in the low-energy, low-productivity place.
For those of us so attuned to harsh self-criticism, you’ll know what I mean when I say that a good bit of effort has been needed to bring myself out of the “What? You’ve not done that yet? What are you thinking? You useless, good-for-nothing…. yada yada yada” mode and into trusting that all will be well if I follow my body’s needs right now.
Talking to yourself can be a powerful strategy when you’re at a low ebb. Especially if your Self is one you’ve deliberately created…
I created Amelie, my Inner Champion, over a year ago and I’ve written to her almost every day since. She’s a gem. I highly recommend you create your own if you haven’t already got one!
Here’s an extract from a low-ebb day…
Me: Amelie, I was hoping to have written a blog by now and produced some more of the book I’m ghostwriting.
Amelie: You know it’s not about the outcomes, it’s about the joy. …
“When you are offended at any …[one’s] fault
turn to yourself and study your own failings.
Then you will forget your anger”
One of my favourite stories from Christian scripture is Jesus’ response to the imminent stoning of a woman caught in adultery.
Surrounded by those who wished him dead, Jesus is put on the spot. It’s a trap. His enemies bring him a woman who by law, should be stoned to death. They know Jesus teaches unconditional love. He would have to betray his own teachings or put himself at odds with the law. Delicious. …
We can’t have one without the other.
Nobody wins the blame game.
But when someone else is in the wrong, the drama feels so good. So seductive are the positions we adopt, so righteous, so justified. We feel passionate and outraged; we’re fighting the good fight for sure.
There’s just one problem.
If we’re not careful, our blaming will take us out.
Melanie was shaking with rage. Such a calm, placid soul normally, or so she appeared to others. Right now her whole body pulsed with fury. …
—from “A Few Good Men”
At least, I imagined it was.
I learnt early on that ‘Nobody likes a smart-ass’, but it was the only safe ground I knew. Teacher’s pet. Boring swot. Yup, that was me.
I craved the praise of teachers. But I knew it came at a price. For me to be amazing, it meant others must be less.
The damage we do by rearing children in competition…
For some of us it starts with sibling rivalry. For me, I guess war was declared the day my 2 year-old brother tipped a box of pins and needles…
So many of us long for weekends and ache to veg out. A sense of discontent pervades… but that’s normal, right? Grass is greener and all that?
What would it take for us to love our lives to the full? There are lots of causes of discontent. I found myself exploring mine and turning them around…
He came to change the boiler. His words stopped me in my tracks. And I wasn’t even there.
The exchange was such a simple one. It was told to me by a friend. A kind-faced young man, a family friend, appeared to change her…
Who is writing the screenplay of your life? Are they any good? Would you like to burn any really sucky scripts?
Talking with clients, and being inside my own human head, I’m stunned at the tenacity with which we cling to old storylines. We play them over and over and over again. We share them with others. We form groups around them. On and on and on they go.
Your storylines may be compelling. But are they ruining your life?
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.”
— Tao Te Ching
I don’t cry often. And I don’t cry when perhaps I ‘should’. As an Enneagram 9 I’m pretty good at avoiding pain. And I really hate to cry.
But I cried when my coaching came to an end.
And I’m crying now just thinking about it.
Why is that? What makes the tears trip down my face, when I do such a good job of never, ever going there…
I am bad. I am dirty. I am scum. I’m an abhorrence.
These are a few of the beliefs we may carry at our core.
Imprinted on us at a very young age when no defence is possible, we accept the rage and pain of others — what choice do we have?
Subconsciously, we build beliefs borne of trauma into the fabric of our lives and we construct our future around them. We don’t even know the beliefs are there. All we know is the shame we feel.
“Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re…