What kind of mother would you choose?

Photo by The New York Public Library on Unsplash

How many of us would choose a different mother, if we could?

You may find these questions unsettling. I mean no disrespect to mothers. I truly believe that we are all doing the very best we can to do the best we can with what we have. And mothers, I think, have the hardest job in the world…

The more I learn about how incredibly subtle the mother-child attunement processes are, the more I wonder that any mother-child relationship survives intact. There are so many ways in which it can go horribly wrong…

My mother died when I was 24.

I was living in a bedsit in Liverpool. Woken by police at…

— It’s trying to save your life

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Embracing Your Inner Viper

When a viper strikes… it’s sudden, vicious and absolute.

Most of us try so hard to suppress the viper at our core. Some of us swear we don’t have one. Some of us know we have a viciousness within but do all we can to wrestle it to the ground, subdue it, overpower it.

But it finds its way past us in the end….

The power of the viper within…

Many years ago, on Brandon Bay’s fabulous ‘Journey through the Enneagram’ retreat I was struck by a young man’s story. He was in his late teens. Tall, with a powerful physique, he was kind, warm and open, his good heart shone.

He was trying to…

Focus on your income instead

Photo by Kerem Karaarslan on Unsplash

In-come Is So Much More than Money…

I’m sure many of us have diaries and ‘To Do’ lists to plan and track our goal-driven outcomes. But what log do we make of our in-comes?

If you took inventory of your psychological/spiritual daily in-come, how would it look? If you’re like me, a short meditation burst, a little yoga, a few pages from an uplifting read, a podcast perhaps… this would comprise the in-come for the day… not bad, surely?

The rest of the day… well, that’s all outcome-focused action stuff. And if it’s not feeling great… I’ll tend to push on through. …

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“True, Deep Creativity Doesn’t Emerge Despite the Deep Pause…

…It happens because of it.” (Kate Northrup)

For me, this week has been a bit of a pause week. I’ve yet to discover the creative gem emerging from it… At the moment, I’m just in the low-energy, low-productivity place.

For those of us so attuned to harsh self-criticism, you’ll know what I mean when I say that a good bit of effort has been needed to bring myself out of the “What? You’ve not done that yet? What are you thinking? You useless, good-for-nothing…. yada yada yada” mode and into trusting that all will be well if I follow my body’s needs right now.

I enjoyed reading…

Loving the grot is a choice — it sure beats pushing against it

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Talking to yourself can be a powerful strategy when you’re at a low ebb. Especially if your Self is one you’ve deliberately created…

I created Amelie, my Inner Champion, over a year ago and I’ve written to her almost every day since. She’s a gem. I highly recommend you create your own if you haven’t already got one!

Here’s an extract from a low-ebb day…

Me: Amelie, I was hoping to have written a blog by now and produced some more of the book I’m ghostwriting.

Amelie: You know it’s not about the outcomes, it’s about the joy. …

Letting go of our right to be righteous

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

When you are offended at any …[one’s] fault

turn to yourself and study your own failings.

Then you will forget your anger”

— Epictetus

One of my favourite stories from Christian scripture is Jesus’ response to the imminent stoning of a woman caught in adultery.

Surrounded by those who wished him dead, Jesus is put on the spot. It’s a trap. His enemies bring him a woman who by law, should be stoned to death. They know Jesus teaches unconditional love. He would have to betray his own teachings or put himself at odds with the law. Delicious. …

But it IS our responsibility

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It’s not your fault. It’s not theirs, either.

It’s funny; we want to hear the first sentence. We’re not so keen on the second…

We can’t have one without the other.

Nobody wins the blame game.


But when someone else is in the wrong, the drama feels so good. So seductive are the positions we adopt, so righteous, so justified. We feel passionate and outraged; we’re fighting the good fight for sure.

There’s just one problem.

If we’re not careful, our blaming will take us out.

We become what we rage against

Melanie was shaking with rage. Such a calm, placid soul normally, or so she appeared to others. Right now her whole body pulsed with fury. …

Stop comparing yourself to others — go strut your stuff!

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

‘Nobody likes her very much’

—from “A Few Good Men”

That line always made me wince. It was what people said about me.

At least, I imagined it was.

I learnt early on that ‘Nobody likes a smart-ass’, but it was the only safe ground I knew. Teacher’s pet. Boring swot. Yup, that was me.

I craved the praise of teachers. But I knew it came at a price. For me to be amazing, it meant others must be less.

The damage we do by rearing children in competition…

Sibling rivalry — it’s a wonder anyone survives…

For some of us it starts with sibling rivalry. For me, I guess war was declared the day my 2 year-old brother tipped a box of pins and needles…

Let’s change that.

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

Do you ‘Thank God (when) It’s Friday’? Deep discontent is a slow form of death, if you’re wishing your life away…

So many of us long for weekends and ache to veg out. A sense of discontent pervades… but that’s normal, right? Grass is greener and all that?

What would it take for us to love our lives to the full? There are lots of causes of discontent. I found myself exploring mine and turning them around…

He came to change the boiler. His words stopped me in my tracks. And I wasn’t even there.

The exchange was such a simple one. It was told to me by a friend. A kind-faced young man, a family friend, appeared to change her…

Don’t let old storylines ruin your life.

Photo by Markus Clemens on Unsplash

Who is writing the screenplay of your life? Are they any good? Would you like to burn any really sucky scripts?

Talking with clients, and being inside my own human head, I’m stunned at the tenacity with which we cling to old storylines. We play them over and over and over again. We share them with others. We form groups around them. On and on and on they go.

Your storylines may be compelling. But are they ruining your life?

I was coaching a group some years ago. The staff of a failing organisation, there was much for them to…

Amanda Maney

Helping you find your joy. Alignment coach - Enneagram author/trainer. www.amandamaney.com

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